Truth about Guilt and Blame

Why do we find the need to point fingers, assign blame, and highlight the faults of those around us? And why are we so disinclined to accept it for ourselves, even where it is appropriate to do so? The truth is, in all situations, we have a role to play and a responsibility to take.

"To blame is to hold accountable for. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong."

When we default to pointing fingers at others, we overlook growth opportunities. You see, if we look at a situation and have the courage and maturity to assess it for OUR mistakes, we can see the hard truth, gather lessons, and take necessary steps to reconcile the situation - moving forward with the strength of a new perspective. Only then can we put the problem to rest.

Alternatively, if we choose to focus on what others have done, whether conscious or not, we do nothing but spread hate and put ourselves in a victim status. Once we accept the status of victim, again conscious or not, we are setting ourselves up for failure, a perceived sense of having no control, and a perpetual spiral into helplessness. Assigning guilt, blaming others, is simply a coping strategy, a defense mechanism we develop before our psyche is strong enough and mature enough to look at the uncomfortable truth of our imperfection. This pattern may have been modeled for you, or you were not given the tools necessary to face guilt effectively. Regardless, the source is irrelevant because you can choose to mature and update this program today by paying attention to the three fingers

pointing back at you every time you point blame at someone else.

Next time you find yourself ruminating over how someone else has wronged you, I challenge you to do the following:

1. Calm your system: Take some deep breaths to clear the anger and calm the mind and physical sensations (heart rate, pain in the chest, tight stomach, etc.)

2. Reflect on WHAT is upsetting you, not WHO: Heather's forgiveness meditation can help you look at the situation from a different perspective

3. Resolution: Take the necessary steps to reconcile the situation

Remember, you are no longer a child and do not have to keep living the way you've been taught to live. You are old enough and strong enough to take back control and correct any program running in the background of your mind. Over time, you will naturally default to looking at your mistakes and seeking growth rather than revenge.

-Amber Raymond