Finding True Balance Begins with Total Self Acceptance

The lesson I learned this week was the importance of fully accepting ourselves. The Throat Chakra class, where I taught about speaking truth, resonated deeply. Who we are, what we need in life, and how we can best serve are not limited by the good we can do but by accepting everything that makes us who we are. The quest to be different or better is futile because we were given everything we need to feel complete. The challenge isn't 'changing' who we are but instead accepting our many differences and finding balance in all of it.

We try so hard to be different from our true selves. By relying on tribal expectations and societal norms to define what is 'acceptable,' we seldom take the time to learn our own truths. We spend a mass amount of energy altering our true selves in order to meet another person's standards. We hide or mask our true intuition and feelings for the sake of peace, yet this brings further chaos. Sure, on the outside, we may seem calmer and more in control, but when we sit back and review our actions, how many of us feel lost or out of touch? Is giving up personal balance more important than meeting the expectations of others? Or do we need to re-look at this model to include allowing ourselves to show all of who we are?

A major theme that comes up regularly for me is the fear of past mistakes. If we were viewed at one time as weak, wrong, or mean, we tend to dismiss that side altogether. We try harder to be nice and patient, accepting of others and tolerant of ignorance—yet we rarely extend the same grace to ourselves. We begin a harsh self judgement that disallows natural self love and acceptance to flourish. We begin to tell ourselves that parts of us (usually the negative things we think and feel) shouldn't be there, but the fact is that they are. So, using energy to deny this is a waste. 

Rather than using energy to combat ourselves, a healthier approach would be to learn about ourselves and then accept the truths. Once we accept the light and dark of our natures, we will gain the ability to use them differently. Everyone was born with a unique coding of personality traits and strengths, and true freedom comes from being able to choose how we react to ourselves and others. Be open to liking all of Who You Are and release the hate about things you have done. They are not the same thing. A good part of them were done unconsciously. Allow self grace. By accepting and finding peace in yourself, you will have the ability to choose what actions to take simply by being aware of your options. 

Helpful Activity

1. Make two lists:

   1. One of everything you like about yourself and

   2. One about everything you don't like about yourself.

2. Then go slowly through all the things you have listed and find how they serve you...both the likes and dislikes have purpose.

   1. If you come across something that you 'have done,' cross it off the list because it is an action, not a part of you.

   2. Isolating why you did things you aren't proud of will bring you further to the truth. It will give you the power to choose to act differently this time around. 

   3. Take as much time as you need. Each time you do it and accept another aspect (both positive and negative), you will gain more internal strength.

   4. Your energy will naturally increase, and you will learn to love yourself solidly in the knowledge that you are gaining the freedom of self choice. 

If you are a parent, please ensure that you accept all the aspects of your children. Even if you do not like the truth of who they are, they deserve to learn self acceptance. Remember to differentiate between a person's actions and the driving force. Teaching them to love and honour themselves and offering coping options should be the top priority for every parent. If they are showing a lot more negative traits than positive, dig deeper to understand the why of their actions. Sometimes, knowing that they are accepted unconditionally alleviates a lot of negative behaviours. 

-Heather Nodello